PhD Agony

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(based on the genius song "Agony" from Into the Woods by Stephen Sondheim)


Did I abuse this (educational opportunity)
by showing distain?
My brain’s feeling mashed up.
I might just lose it;
tormented I’m reeling
from frontal lobe pain!


Agony!
VIVA’s out of my reach
When you’ve had an idea
Yet that idea it still defies speech


Alone at my desk
I sit by the hour
Tearing my hair
Tense and confused, frequently screaming
A song of despair
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-                                        
Agony!
   
Caught my tongue in a draw
Trying to write is like trying
To fight Je Suis Charlie, and more


Agony!                                                     
Oh, the fees that they charge!
If I had funding…
If I had funding I’d                        

buy butter not marg. 


I’m not grammatically
savy,
fanatical,
charming,
attentive,
gifted,
as bright as the person
I’m trying to be


You are everything government bodies
could wish for.
Then why don’t

they fund you?

I really don’t know!


Professors know nothing of sadness
They have jobs and there aren’t
aren’t any jobs, as you’re
nearing the ending
you’re deadline approaching
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-


Agony!

Unemployment!

Debt!


My life’s far from a peach                                  

If the rich had a heart                  

If the rich had a heart

I would eat it for tea


Agony!

That can sting like a lemon!

I will survive my PhD 

(hopefully)       

[please note that this is a satire of the PhD experience, based on my own experiences and those of others... not to be taken seriously... hopefully]   




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